


DEcomposition

by cadkitten



Category: Alice Nine, the GazettE
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Cumshot, Explicit Language, Fingerfucking, Fluff, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Light Bondage, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Rimming, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-02
Updated: 2008-05-06
Packaged: 2017-11-14 00:47:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nao idolizes Kai for his drumming ability. He has found that a part of Kai's music will work perfectly in his newest composition and he's left with no choice but to ask his idol if he can use it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In a way, I'm continuing the short fic meme. But then again, not really. Now I just play the song as long as I want to get the plot out. So these fics aren't so short anymore! Full length fics... so um, I guess this is kinda the full fic meme? Haha!  
> Song: "Far East ~大陸に向かって~" by Pierrot

It's something in the way I look at you, the way I watch your every move. Your actions entice me, pull me closer and closer to you; but also further from reality. I feel like the world revolves around you, as though every molecule gravitates in your direction. Everything completes itself when you're involved.

Or at least that's how it seems when all I can do is stand in the midst of a million others, watching you. You mean so much to me. You're my idol, the drummer God. I look up to everything you do, only hoping and praying I can be half of what you are. And yet I know I'm so much different that it's pointless to even try to be like you. But I still try.

I guess when I put it in perspective, I'm just another of your fans. I send you gifts on your birthday, ensuring I don't get too personal, but still striving to make it unique. You wore the necklace I sent two years ago for a photo shoot. I wonder if you knew who really sent it. I doubt it and somehow I doubt you'd even care if you did know. It just happened to fit your sense of taste and that's all there is to it. I'm not lost enough to believe otherwise, even though I may wish it to be true.

I've written you a million times, asking small things about your technique or style in drumming. And not once have I heard back from you. That depresses me a little, but I try not to let it get to me. After all, I can't be so easily upset or I would be all the time. I know you're a busy man, probably more busy than I am. Actually, that's why I've stopped writing you. I'm wasting your precious time and I can't let myself do that.

If I think this way, do my own fans think the same? Maybe that's why I get so few letters in comparison to the other members of the band. But then again, maybe I'm just not as loveable as them. I need to stop eating so much and cleanse or something. I'm letting myself go again, I'm so absorbed in composing.

Why do I even worry about the fans? I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing it for you. Quite the revelation. Sad, when I think about it. I'm living my life a certain way for someone else. Sad doesn't even begin to describe that. Rather, pathetic might. That's why no one will ever know.

Plaster on a smile and be the bouncy one. No one will notice I'm just a poor substitute for what they _could_ have. You'd give the band the boost they need to get to the very, very top. I can't do that for them. I mean, it's not that I suck at drumming, just that I'm not you and never will be. I feel like I should be sorry for not being able to be you.

But why do I bother dwelling on this? I should be composing, not wasting my time staring at the wall, contemplating all the ways I fail. Completely without point.

I put my pen back on the paper and force myself to focus. That only works for so long, an hour at the most and then my CD changes and I can hear your band. Once more, I'm lost in that land where you know I exist, where you care that I'm probably the most devout fan you'll ever have. But I'm different from the majority of the rest. I don't try to squirm in to meet you, I don't shroud your dressing room in flowers, and most of all, I don't scream during your solos. I respect you, I'm silent for you. And I listen, intent to learn from you.

Is it possible to have a teacher without them ever knowing they are teaching you? I think it is. In fact, I know it is. I'm learning from you right now, my foot tapping out the beat and my arms reaching for each invisible drum in turn. I'm odd, I know. I don't compose using my actual drum set. It's all in my head. But right now, I'm right there with you, creating every sound you do in perfect tandem.

What would you think if I used that little bit right there in our next song? It'd fit perfectly. But then I'd be stealing from you. I can't do that. Maybe this is it. I should write to you to ask to use it.

I pause, hand in midair, foot halfway down on the non-existent pedal. A smile pulls at my lips and I quickly move to scribble down that little piece where it needs to go. I carefully mark it, writing in _Kai's part_ and then tracing over the words a few times so that they cannot be missed.

I pull out a new sheet of paper, line it and then write out the part I wish to use on it. I hope I didn't miss anything or I'll look stupid. I sit there for a few minutes, wondering what to write below it and then finally I just dive into it, the little half-smile back on my face.

_Dearest Kai,_

_I have been listening to your songs since the GazettE started. You've always inspired and amazed me. I know everyone probably says that to you, but I can actually prove it._

_But that's not why I'm writing. I would like to ask your permission to use the part above in my next composition. It fits in perfectly and I, of course, would credit you in the booklet when the CD comes out. If you could please let me know either way at your earliest possible convenience, I would very much appreciate it._

_Sincerely,_  
Nao  
Drummer for alice nine. 

I study the words, over and over. It sounds kind of pathetic, but then again so does everything I've ever written you in the past. I can't seem to help that. I hope you will actually read this letter and not find me to be nearly as dull as I feel that I am.

Very carefully, I fold the letter and place it in an envelope, sealing it as securely as possible. I start to write the fanclub address on it, but then realize you won't get it for months and by then it'll be too late.

Carefully, I set my pen down and fish out my cell phone, dialing Shou's number. Shou always knows addresses. It's so odd, like he's a walking directory for any address you could ever want. Not phone numbers though, just addresses. He answers after a few rings and I put on my best pleading voice.

"Shouuuuuu...."

He laughs and it's kind of like music. "Hey, Nao. What do you need?"

"An address."

"Of course. You know I'll always supply one. Don't you ever use a phone book?"

"Yes... but this one wouldn't be in it."

"Oh? What one do you need now?"

I smile to myself and blush a little. "The address for the GazettE's management."

"Hmm, hang on." I can hear him rustling around in papers. It actually takes him quite a while and more than a few curse words drift to me before he's back on the phone, breathing a little heavily. I wonder just how much he tore up in his office at home to find it. "Got it!" He actually sounds very pleased with himself.

"Okay, what is it?"

He reads it off to me and I write it down, repeating everything twice to make sure I don't get it wrong. I thank him at least a million times before hanging up and going to get a stamp to put on the envelope. Once I've stamped it, I simply put _alice nine._ and our work address on the return label. Maybe they'll let it through that way.

I slide out of my chair and walk happily to the front to put my shoes on. Once I've gotten my jacket and keys, I leave my apartment, heading down to the mail drop box. I stand in front of the mail box for almost five minutes, unsure if I can actually do this or not. The decision seems to be made for me though when the post man comes to collect the mail and just takes my letter, smiling at me and dropping it into his bag.

I watch him walk away, holding what's possibly a part of my future in the very bottom of that full bag of his. Such a tiny portion of the world and yet a huge chunk of me. I mean, I've just as much as admitted to being Kai's super-fan in that letter and it's likely the only one that will really ever get to him.

I turn around and head home, hands in my pocket and head bowed. I suppose time will tell me all that I need to know.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nao idolizes Kai for his drumming ability. He has found that a part of Kai's music will work perfectly in his newest composition and he's left with no choice but to ask his idol if he can use it.

8 Days Later

 

I've been checking my mailbox at work every single day. It's become a part of my routine now. I want so badly to hear back from you, even if the answer is a no. Even if you tell me to go to hell for asking, I'll understand. I just want to hold something that you've held.

Wow... just how far down have I sunk?

I've asked at work every day if they've gotten something from the GazettE. The girl at the desk knows me so well she just shakes her head when I come in and waves her hand, meaning no mail for me. She said she'll call me when something arrives, but I don't trust her do it promptly.

I pause in front of the mailboxes in the lobby of my apartment and sigh. I've checked mail so much at work that I don't even want to check it here anymore. I stick my key in the lock on my box and turn, pulling the door open and yanking out the contents. A few pieces of junk mail drop to the floor and I stare at them in irritation as I put the rest of the mail under my arm and kneel down to pick it up. Once I've retrieved the pieces I double check that it's junk and then toss it in the trashcan beside of the boxes.

I close and lock my box and then head over to the elevator. Someone else has already pushed the button and I don't have to, so I start rooting though my mail. Bill. Bill. Junk. Fanmail... great, how'd they get my home address? Maybe I have a stalker. Oh well, whatever. I lock my door, so I should be fine. Bill. Junk, junk, and more junk. Advertisements for the market down the street. And- my eyes go wide and I let out a shrill squeal as I slam the envelopes to my chest and huggle them. I swear to God I'm going to hyperventilate.

The envelope says the Gazette. Oh... my... god... he wrote me back! I'm so happy I could cry. In fact, I am crying. Just a little, but still, the tears are there, damp and sliding down my cheeks.

The man next to me looks at me like I've lost my mind and he scoots over a little, giving me more space.

I blush and open my mouth to apologize to him for being so over the top. But the elevator doors open and he bolts in, going directly to the corner by the keypad. He punches a button and shrinks away from my hand as I reach out to select my floor. My cheeks heat up even more, but I can't help but still be smiling like a total moron. Kai wrote me back! I make a small happy noise in the back of my throat as I scoot to the other side of the small compartment and lean against the railing.

He gets off two floors before me and I'm practically bouncing for the rest of the ride up. As soon as the doors open, I'm out and running down the hall, fishing my key from my pocket and jamming it into the lock, quickly opening the door to my apartment.

I almost trip over my cat in the haste and I stare down at it apologetically for a moment and then slam the door shut and bolt for my office. I drop all the rest of my mail in my chair, holding on to the only envelope that matters right now, and rummage around in the clutter on my desk for my letter opener. I carefully slip the metal edge into the envelope and move it upward, tearing the top open as neatly as possible.

Once I'm done, I drop the letter opener back onto my desk and quickly fish out the letter. I inspect the envelope one last time before deciding that it's okay to just put it on the table. After all, it's not the super important part anyway. I place the envelope on the edge of the desk and unfold the letter, beginning to read.

Dearest Nao,

I was shocked and pleased to find a letter from you this morning. It honors me that you have been following my career so closely and I hope that I'm living up to everything you want me to be.

I've inspired you? How so? I honestly think you're a wonderful drummer and knowing that I could be a part of why is a huge boost to my confidence.

Of course you can use the part of the song that you sent me! I'd be honored if you did. No need to credit me in the booklet though, it'll just be our secret. Consider it a gift. Use it how you see fit.

I can't wait to see where that goes!

I hope you don't mind. I've sent this to your personal address so as to ensure that you'd receive it in a timely manner. I know how all of the bureaucracy is at work. If you do mind, I'm so sorry.

Sincerely,  
Kai  
Drummer for the GazettE

PS  
I sent you a copy of my original score for the part you wanted to use. I thought you might appreciate it.

My hands are shaking at I pull the other page out from behind the other and I stare down at Kai's handwriting, each note scribbled just as I'd do mine. A smile tugs at the corner of my lips as I note that he's marked the part I wanted with a curved line and the words Kai and Nao's Part.

I carefully fold the letter back together and bring it to my nose, breathing in the remnants of Kai's smell. Cologne. Stronger than it should be for just touching a paper. It's like he knew I'd smell his letter and went to the extra trouble of making it more like him. I grin as I pull the paper down to my chest and clutch it there. Mine... all mine. I have something Kai gave to only me!

Excitement runs through my veins and I can't keep myself from being overly pleased. I forget all about the bills as I place the letter back into its envelope and grab my set of studio keys from the rack over my desk. I rustle through eight days worth of papers and notes and find the piece I'd been working on the day I wrote the letter. Once I have it in my hands, I rush out the door, headed back to the studio.

I have the permission I need! I have to record it, even if we don't ever use it. It's required at this point. I'll record it and share it with him!

I arrive at the studio, completely out of breath and basically run smack into Shou.

He stares at me in confusion. "What's up? Forget something?"

"No! I have to record!" I wave my papers in the air to emphasize my point.

He blinks calmly at me and then shakes his head. "I'll help you then. You can't very well do this alone and make it quality."

I reach out and pull him into my arms. "Thank you!"

He nods and takes my arm, guiding me back into the building and down the hallway. I guess I didn't need my key anyway. I wonder why he was still here.

He sticks his head into the room, holding the door closed enough that I can't even peer around him. "You uh... ready?"

I hear someone clattering around in the room and then the door opens further and a slightly disheveled looking Saga appears.

"Yeah, I'm good." His eyes fall on me and he tilts his head. "What's up?"

I wave my papers again. "I'm going to record!"

"Oh? Mind if I stick around? Maybe Shou and I can compose while you record." He eyes our vocalist in a manner that tells me I've just walked in on something more than after-hours practice.

I blush and look away. "Sure, you can both stay. I'd like it if we could really use this!" My voice shakes a little and I find that I'm easily shaken by things that most people could shrug off. It's not the first time I've almost walked in on something I shouldn't have. But it's the first time it wasn't one of the guys with his girlfriend. My mind flits over just what they could have been doing and images pop up in my head without much encouragement. I swallow hard, the blush on my cheeks growing. Something else is growing as well and I shift on my feet, feeling awkward for enjoying my thoughts.

Saga laughs softly and I glance up at him. "Oi, Shou, I think our drummer likes the idea of what he almost walked in on." He crosses his arms and strikes a nonchalant pose. "Maybe we should give him a show!"

I move my gaze to Shou and swallow hard. Would they really do that? How much, I wonder? Again, the images fill my mind and I almost moan out loud. God, I'm so obvious! Why do I want to see them get it on? I'm too horny for my own good!

Shou studies me for a moment and then moves into the room, pushing Saga back out of the way with a gentle touch.

I follow, almost as though I'm on autopilot. My breath catches and stays in a lump in my throat as I stare at them.

Shou's fingers thread into Saga's hair and he pulls the bassist's head back, leans in, and then licks a line up from his neck to his ear. His teeth pull gently on the lobe and then he moves to kiss his mouth. I stare wide-eyed as they french in front of me. It's possibly the most erotic thing I've ever seen. No, wait, scratch that, Saga and his damn bass are!

I clutch my papers against me and I can feel my heart going a million miles an hour. Just how much more will they do?

Saga backs up to the wall with Shou in tow, the two of them still attached at the lips. He pulls the vocalist closer and grinds his hips forward against the other man's.

Shou pulls back from the kiss and moans lowly as he grabs Saga's hands and pins them on the wall above his head. He thrusts against the bassist for a moment and then pulls away completely.

I almost whimper, wanting to see more, but I catch the sound just before it leaves me.

Shou grabs the other's hips and turns him around, pushing him against the wall. He positions himself and begins rubbing the obvious bulge in his pants against Saga's ass, emulating fucking him.

Saga begins to make little sounds of pleasure as he pushes back further, his back arching in the most alluring manner.

Fuck! They look so good I want to do something about the ache in my pants right here! ... I just cursed. I never curse, not even in my head. I melt back against the wall and remain as quiet as possible, my eyes glued to them.

Shou's hand reaches around Saga and he begins to stroke the other through his pants.

Saga can't seem to figure out which way to push - forward or back. His movements are jerky and sporadic.

I can almost feel what he's feeling and it makes my cock throb impatiently against the tight material of my jeans.

Shou slips his hand up then pushes it into the front of Saga's pants. Saga moans and gasps Shou's name.

I can tell Shou's actually trying to make our bassist cum for him. He's working him hard and fast within the confines of his clothing. Saga's panting and whimpering. He seems so close already. Maybe Shou's touch is just magic like that. Would Kai's touch work that magic on me?

It registers somewhere deep in my mind that things have all just shifted drastically. I idolized the other drummer a few moments ago. But now... well, now I want him to do to me what Shou's doing to Saga right in front of me. I can't take it anymore and apparently neither can Saga.

He cries out Shou's name and trembles in his arms. It's obvious he's cum in his pants.

Kai... oh, fuck, Kai!

I drop my papers on the desk beside of me and bolt from the room. I'm down the hall and in the restroom in only a matter of seconds. I pop the button of my pants open and yank the zipper down. My fingers fumble for a moment with my boxers, but I get them out of the way and wrap my hand around my hardened length, quickly attempting to finish what my band mates have started.

My eyes slip shut and Kai is there, helping me. My hand is his.

Kai... "Uhn!" Yes... yes... "ah!" Kai!

I spill myself over my fingers and onto the floor at my feet.

My eyes are still squeezed closed and my hand is still wrapped around my half-hard cock when the door opens and someone slips in. I do my best to hide myself as I open my eyes.

Saga's standing there, staring at me, a small smile on his lips. "Enjoy yourself?"

I blush and nod as I attempt to re-dress myself without showing him anything. He grins at me and heads over to the sink, grabbing some paper towels and wetting them. He opens his pants and pulls them down in the front enough to stuff the towels in and mop at himself. I move to the sink next to him and wash my hand off. Once I'm done, I grab some extra paper towels and go back to where I was and kneel down to clean up the floor.

My cheeks heat up even more. I can't believe I just did that in a public restroom. Actually, I can't believe I just watched my band mate get off while the other one touched him. And Kai... now I want Kai. I toss the paper towels in the trash and just stand there, staring down at them. Brown paper covered in my sinful lust.

Saga moves up beside of me and tosses a wad of towels in the trash. His sin; yet somehow mine's the actual sin and his is the implied one. His hand rests lightly on my back. "Hey, don't freak out over this. If we'd had a problem with you watching and possibly getting aroused by it, we wouldn't have done what we did in front of you."

I nod, unwilling to tell him it's not that that's bothering me. He takes my hand and tugs me out of the bathroom and down the hallway and into the recording booth. My drums are already there, all set up and waiting. Shou must have been kind enough to do that for me.

Saga's bass is resting in one corner of the technician's booth and Shou is sitting in front of the equipment. He looks up and grins at me. "Now that the tension is all gone... let's get started!"

I stare at him in disbelief for a moment before heading into the room and finding both sets of my papers on my stool. I carefully move them around, arranging them where I need them. I pick up my drumsticks and sit there, letting my fingers get used to them for a moment as I twirl them around and then do a quick warm up.

I glance over at the booth and Saga slides the door shut. Shou punches the button for the intercom and tells me to let him know when I'm ready. I take a deep breath and then nod at him.

He pushes a few buttons and then gives me a thumb up. I launch into my piece, giving every beat my best. It's odd, usually by now I'd have messed up at least once and had to start over. But not today. I hit Kai's part and it comes out flawlessly. My breath is stuck in my chest as I push through the rest of the song, impatient to get it all out onto tape. I go a bit faster than I intended to on one part, but it seems to sound better that way.

I finish with a flourish and end up in I guess what the fans I do have call 'classic Nao pose', one drum stick in the air and the other pointed in front of me. It must be obvious to Shou and Saga as well, because when I look over Saga's grinning and Shou's clapping. I can't hear him, but I can see his hands coming together.

I grin at them and Saga comes and opens the door, poking his head in. "Need to repeat that? Or just want to hear it and make sure it's what you wanted?"

I stand up and rush over, prodding at Saga to move him out of my way. He backs up and I rush in and wait on Shou to finish whatever he's messing with before he presses play. When he does, I close my eyes and go over the piece in my head along with the recording. It's perfect. Not a single piece of it is messed up or needs to be re-recorded. I'm so proud that I'm actually beaming.

When my eyes flutter open, I find Shou peering up at me, a silly grin on his face. I give him a questioning look and he just smirks and shakes his head.

Saga, however, doesn't keep his thoughts inside. He just blurts them out from behind me. "When you were recording... and now, listening to it, you looked almost like you did when I walked into the bathroom."

My eyes immediately widen and I fake a cough as I look away from Shou, who looks thoroughly amused.

"And how exactly did he look in the bathroom, Saga, baby?" Shou sounds almost giddy with excitement and I realize he must still be unsatisfied.

"Hmm... he looked like he'd just cum all over his hand and the floor." Saga doesn't make any bones about it; just states the blunt truth.

I feel like I want to sink into a hole in the ground and die. But then I'd be leaving Kai behind just as he starts talking me. No way in hell I'll up and die now! I glance back at Shou and he's leaning back in his chair, smirking at me as he runs his fingers over the crotch of his pants.

"The look on your face is enough to make a man hard. Did you know that?" He makes a point of arching his hips up against his hand and letting out a soft moan. "If the fans could only see you like that...." He leaves the sentence open-ended, hanging in the air for interpretation.

Saga gently moves me forward a little as he comes around to kneel in front of Shou. "We left you out of the pleasure, didn't we?" He pushes Shou's fingers away and replaces them with his own, rubbing pointedly over the almost indecent tent in our vocalist's pants.

Shou grasps the arms of the chair he's sitting in and spreads his legs a little more. "Then make it up to me, babe."

I swear to god. These two are trying to torture me to death with their insatiable lust! I look away as Saga pulls Shou's zipper down and removes the other's length from his pants. I can't help but glance back, curious. I know I shouldn't look, but part of me wants to know how Shou compares to me. And oh man, does he compare! His manhood is all that it should be, stiff and perfect, standing proudly away from his body. He's pierced at the head, a small silver bar going across the slit. So erotic... and so very Shou.

Saga flicks his thumb over the piercing and Shou almost comes out of the seat as his head falls back. His eyes slip closed and he lets out a throaty moan.

I can't help but think that he should have been a porn star. Actually, the two of them should have been. They'd probably make more money than we do now. And they'd be perfect together on screen. The sheer fact that I'm thinking that tells me that I probably spend too much of my time alone these days. I open my mouth just to tell them I'll leave them be for a few minutes, but that's not at all what comes out of my mouth. "Have you ever been filmed?"

Saga turns his head to stare up at me, a knowing look in his eyes. "Mmm, no, but you'd like it if we were, wouldn't you?"

Shou laughs and somehow even that sounds lust-filled. "Saga, baby, we're being filmed right now. You know as well as I do that there's security footage of everything we've ever done in this place."

I let out a soft gasp and I can feel both of their eyes on me, staring right into me. I know my face is heated with embarrassment again. Why do I blush like I'm a damn virgin? I'm not... maybe I'm close to being, but I've been with three people in my life. Granted, the last one was several years ago, but still!

I'm shaking a little. In a way, I fear what they're really thinking of me when I open my mouth and that kind of comment just pops out. I force myself to meet Saga's eyes and then Shou's.

Saga just smiles at me with that wicked little grin.

Shou, on the other hand, is giving me an almost questioning look. That is, until Saga begins jerking him off again. His face contorts in a matter of seconds and he's arching up into his lover's hand, his hips forcing his cock and in out of Saga's palm. "Ah! Fucking hell, Saga!"

I can feel myself getting hard again. They really are like watching porn. Well... that and Shou's dick really is something to behold.

Saga lets go of Shou's erection and grabs his hips, forcing him to be still. Shou stares down at him, panting softly. And then they surprise me. Saga leans down and licks up Shou's cock, the same way he likes to lick his bass.

I let out the most pleasured of sounds and it mingles in the air with Shou's contented moan. At least now I know where he got the ability to lick his bass like he's giving head. Apparently he knows how to do that quite well.

He continues to lap at our vocalist's length, occasionally stopping to flick at the piercing with his tongue.

Shou reaches down and slides his hand into Saga's hair. "Stop teasing, baby... I need you."

Saga's quick to react, engulfing Shou's length almost immediately, all the way down the base. And then his head's bobbing and I can hear him sucking. It sounds almost greedy, and it really looks that way too. It's like he can't get enough of the other man's dick in to satisfy himself.

Shou's eyes are focused only on his cock as it slides in and out of the other's mouth. And frankly, my eyes are too. But then the almost inaudible sound of Saga's zipper attracts my attention. His hand starts to move in an obvious fashion by his crotch and I almost desperately want to see his actions.

For a moment, I'm frozen to the spot and then I quietly slide over just enough to get a better view. I briefly wonder if this makes me some kind of pervert; watching my two band mates... my two friends do this to each other. But I dismiss the thought. After all, they're the ones who decided to do it in front of me. I didn't exactly invite myself.

I shift my attention to Saga and his hand pauses in mid-movement over his exposed flesh. I glance up at his face and he's watching me out of the corner of his eye as he continues to suck Shou. That gleam is back and then his gaze is back on what the man in front of him. Slowly, I let my eyes slide back down his lean body to his cock. His hand slips away and he rests it back on Shou's thigh as he spreads his legs even more and pushes his hips forward, exposing him to my view in all his glory.

He's quite the work of art - thick and a decent length. I note that he's cut and that sends a little thrill through me. I have no idea why, but I like to see men when they're cut. I guess the overall package is more appealing to me that way. I flex my muscles, causing my cock to twitch against the smooth material of my boxers. I gasp softly and clutch at the edge of the desk in a desperate attempt to not let myself go this time.

I don't even realize I must be staring at him like I want him until Shou's voice meets my ears.

"Touch him if you want, Nao. I don't mind and he certainly won't." He's holding Saga's head back from his cock and the other is staring at me intently.

I war with myself, unsure if I want to do this or not. My breath comes quick and short. I swallow hard and try to steady out my breathing. On one hand, I want to touch him, I want to feel him cum by my hand, to know that I caused him to release, to feel what it'd be like to be with another man. But on the other, I'm scared. I accepted years ago that I'm attracted to both sexes, but that fact alone hasn't put me in a situation to actually act on it... until now. My body obviously wants this. But my mind is seized, kind of like a gear without enough lubrication and too much wear.

I know I need to make a decision and make it fast. They're both staring at me. I grip the side of the desk even harder. I want... I want Kai. Yeah, as if he's going to want me. What a laugh! I let go of the counter and move behind Saga, slowly sinking down onto the floor and reaching for his hips. Once my hands are settled there, I lean in close and whisper in his ear. "Are you sure I can do this?"

He responds by pulling my hand from his hip and guiding it to his cock as he begins to suck Shou off once more.

His flesh feels so different from my own against my palm. Smooth, warm - I slide my thumb over the head and he moans around the vocalist's length. I groan as I bury my face against his shoulder for a moment. A pleasant shudder runs through my body. I can't help it, it's so fucking hot.

I look back up and watch as he devours Shou's length over and over. My hand begins to move of its own accord, stroking Saga's length as if it's my own. I'm breathing hard and so is he. I slide my other hand off his hip and undo my pants as quietly as I can. I need this so bad. I can't explain why, but something's pushing me to do all of this, telling me I need to get this first time out of the way, and fast.

I pull myself free of my pants and fist my hand around my length. When I begin to pleasure myself, Saga's fingers swat at my hand and I gasp, pulling back a little and staring at his back wide-eyed. Why is he stopping me?!

Shou laughs softly and holds Saga's head down on his lap, keeping him still. "He doesn't want you having to get yourself off again, sweetie. Let him help or use him to get off and he'll stop swatting at you like that."

Saga makes a little acknowledging noise and Shou barely bites back a moan.

I blush and stare up at Shou for the longest time.

He arches an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"I um..." I'm not sure how to continue. I don't want to sound stupid, but I'm not sure how far I can go without violating Saga's personal space. I'm also not completely certain what's considered acceptable and what's not. I have this picture in my head of what I want to do, but I refuse to outright ask.

The bassist pushes Shou's hands away and leans up, licking at his lips. "Suffocate me down there, will ya?" His words would sound harsh to anyone who didn't know him. But I pick up the teasing undertone and obviously Shou does as well, since he's smiling at the other.

"Always, baby, always."

Saga turns to look at me and his eyes rake over my body, lingering on my crotch. I want to cover myself, but I know it'd be unfair after staring at him earlier. Instead my cheeks heat up and I have to look away and pretend he isn't looking at me.

I hear him moving, but I don't really register it as anything to be concerned with until his hands are on my hips and lips are lightly caressing my dick. I let out a startled sound and stare down at him in shock. He's going to suck me off?!

He pulls back and grins up at me. "Shou'd like it better anyway if he could fuck me again. So I'll put my mouth to other uses. How's that?"

In a way, I want to object. But then I don't, because the mere prospect of having his wet, hot mouth wrapped around my cock damn near gets me off right then. Besides, I only want to object because I want to touch him more. Maybe I can actually get the words out this time. I open my mouth and am pleased when what I expect spills from my lips. "Sounds like heaven. Just... let me get you off?"

Saga grins up at me and then leans down and takes my cock in his mouth. I moan as soon as I'm engulfed in that wonderful, moist heat. Fire burns through my body and I reach out beside me to hold the wall so I don't just fall over. Fuck! He knows exactly what he's doing down there.

I watch through a haze as Shou gets up and roots through his bag in the corner. He comes back with lubricant and a condom. He rips open the packet and rolls on the rubber, making the most erotic scene of it I've ever witnessed. He pulls Saga's pants down, exposing his shapely ass. And then he pops the top on the lube, quickly spreading the liquid over his cock and applying more to his fingers before pressing them against Saga's entrance.

Saga presses back against his fingers and whimpers around me. I make a soft sound as pleasure shoots up my length and spreads through my body.

Shou pumps his fingers in and out of our bassist, Saga coming back to meet him almost every time. His mouth moves over my dick in tandem to Shou's fingers in his ass. I'm straining not to cum, desperately clinging to this side of my orgasm. It's been so long and no one's ever sucked me like this.

The vocalist steadies Saga's hips and then trusts into him in one smooth movement, causing Saga to let out a long moan. I damn near topple over the edge because of that, but I manage to hang on to that last thread. My cock throbs in his mouth, but I don't cum yet.

Shou sets up a fast pace, as though he's impatient to get there. And by now, he probably is. Saga's mouth matches the pace almost effortlessly and it makes me wonder how many times the other has been double teamed like this.

I watch Shou's cock enter Saga's body and the way Saga arches back toward him each time. It's almost whore-like. But that in and of itself is a huge turn on. My body tells me I'm going to fall over the edge and this time I won't be able to stop it. "Ah! Sa-ga, ohfuck!" I reach down and try to push him back. I'm panting hard and oh, god, I'm cumming!

He pulls back at the last possible second and grasps my cock in one hand, bracing himself on the floor with the other as Shou continues to pound into him. My cum splashes across his face, decorating his lips and cheek with the warm white substance. He licks at my tip as the last bit of my release drips from it and I shiver. Fucking hell, he looks so hot covered in my cum.

He lets go of me and Shou speeds up, moaning lewdly as he plunges his cock in and out of Saga's ass. He lets out a half-scream and slams into him one last time and stays there. I know he's cumming. The look on his face says he is. Beautiful.

Saga moans beneath him and Shou pulls out, quickly pulling the other upright and back against him. "Your turn now, baby."

Both of their eyes are on me and I remember that I asked to get him off. Quickly, I shift positions and reach out to grasp his cock in my hand. I slide the other down his side as I stroke him. Our eyes meet and he bucks his hips up and lets out the smallest mewl of pleasure. I lean in and begin to lick my cum from his lips.

His lips crush into mine and then his tongue's in my mouth and he's falling apart in my hands. His entire body tenses and then trembles as warm liquid spurts into my hand. I keep pumping him, milking him dry. I continue kissing him until he pulls away and leans back against Shou, trying to catch his breath.

They both watch me as I put my clothing back together. I'm not blushing anymore and that seems like a huge accomplishment.

Saga laughs softly and I give him a questioning look. He gestures at the front of my pants and I look down to find a rather large smear of cum across the crotch. Okay, now I'm blushing. I glance back up at him and he's wiping at his face with the hem of his shirt as he continues giggling at me. "It's mine. You didn't clean your hand off."

"Oh." I stare down at it stupidly until he moves over to me and uses the other side of his shirt hem to mop it up. I feel like I can't get any more embarrassed and that's probably truly the case.

The bassist grins at me as he settles back against Shou, who's doing up his pants. I can't help but look at Saga one more time. He's limp now, but still beautiful. His inner thighs are slick with what I can only assume is lubricant and Shou's release. They shine in the overhead light and really it only adds to his attractiveness.

He notices me staring and slides one hand down over his flaccid length before he grabs his pants and hauls them up his legs. "Like what you see, Nao-san?"

I nod slightly and shift my gaze to the floor between us.

"He is gorgeous, isn't he?" Shou murmurs the statement against Saga's ear.

I nod again as I pick myself up off the floor and cast a glance back in at my drums. "I suppose I should move those back out now."

"Nah, leave them there. Go home with your precious papers and write him back." Shou's voice is flippant, as though he's just tossing the comment at me without any underlying meaning. But when I look up at him, I can see otherwise. His eyes are dancing with amusement and the smirk on his lips tells me he read my reply from Kai.

I blush as I hurry into the booth and retrieve my papers. When I come back in, they're both fully clothed and Shou is sitting at the computer, burning the file off onto several disks. Saga holds one out to me, already tucked away in a purple protective sleeve. "Here you go. He's emailing you a copy for yourself. This one's for Kai."

I gingerly take the disk from him and add it to my papers. "Thanks..." I move to the door and then pause, "for everything."

Shou waves a hand dismissively. "Glad to help you work off some steam."

Saga grins cheekily at me as he leans close to my ear and whispers in it. "Glad to have been your first man."

I blush even more and yank the door open as I clear my throat. "See you on Friday, guys."

They yell their goodbyes after me as I hurry down the hallway toward the exit. Well... tomorrow should be interesting. I'll wait until then to write my letter to Kai. If I write it right now, all I'll be thinking about is sex and that just won't go over well. So... tomorrow it is!


	3. DEcomposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nao idolizes Kai for his drumming ability. He has found that a part of Kai's music will work perfectly in his newest composition and he's left with no choice but to ask his idol if he can use it.

The Next Day

I stare down at the blank paper. Okay, so it's not completely blank. It has Kai's name on it, but that's all. There's a million and one papers in the floor, all of them rejected for some reason or other - too sappy, too sexual, too many implications, too stupid.

I groan in frustration as I lean my head into my hands. Why can't I do this? It shouldn't be so hard! And yet, it is.

Snatches of what I've written in each discarded letter run through my head, taunting me. I lean back in my chair and let my hands fall by my sides as I stare at the wall in front of me. Kai stares back at me from my favorite poster. He's so gorgeous. Maybe that's the problem, I'm thinking of him in _that_ way now and it's hard to be objective.

I reach out and pick up my phone, quickly texting Shou. I'm not sure what I expect, but at least something is better than nothing.

_Hey, do you have Kai's phone number?_

He replies fast enough that it's almost like he's been waiting on me. _No, but I'll get it. Give me fifteen minutes._

I toss my phone back on my desk and continue to stare at the poster, carefully examining the outfit Kai has on. I could probably make three quarters of that outfit directly from my closet. Scary thought. Just the subtle parts would be the difference.

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts, because it doesn't feel at all like fifteen minutes, but my phone is vibrating on my desk, telling me Shou has text messaged me back. I pick it up and stare down at the screen. All there is, is a phone number. Nothing more, nothing less. I grin as I grab my pen and jot it down on the paper with Kai's name.

_Thanks so much!_

_No problem. You're just required to try to get in his pants now!_

I stare down at Shou's message as my face heats up. That brat! I delete the message and resolve to pretend that I never got it as I dial Kai's number. He's got one of those fancy call tones on his phone and it's some song I've never heard. Kind of a nice tune though.

"Hello?" His voice startles me out of my thoughts and I gasp softly before managing to speak.

"Uh... Kai?"

"... Who is this?" He sounds half afraid. Poor guy must have half the world stalking him.

"It's Nao. I'm so sorry to bother you on your cell phone, but I um... I recorded the song and just wanted to give you a copy." My voice is trembling a little. Maybe I shouldn't have called him. This is embarrassing.

"Oh, hi! It's no problem. I just have these weird people calling me all the time and I didn't recognize your voice. I have to be cautious. So, anyway, you recorded it already?! I just sent the letter out yesterday!"

My face is officially on fire. "I... um... well, I went in immediately to record after I got the letter." I sound like such a damn fanboy! He must think I'm nuts. Ugh!

He laughs softly and it sends a thrill through my body. I'm tingling now. Such an odd reaction to a laugh. "Okay, so did you want to meet up so I can hear it?"

I pull the phone back from my ear and stare at it wide-eyed. Holy... he just asked me to meet him! I want to squeal, to run around and do a happy Nao dance! But I have to keep myself in control. Instead I shove the phone back against my ear and wring my free hand in excitement. "Sure!" Gah! Good job, how much more overly enthusiastic can I possibly sound?!

"Are you free today? I just got out of an interview right as you called. So I'm off the rest of the evening."

I swallow hard. "Yes, I'm free." Free for what? To get laid? Jesus, Nao. Keep yourself together and stop thinking like that!

"Great, so I have no idea where your apartment is, but maybe we could meet at my place? Or would you prefer yours? I'd suggest a bar, but we need a computer to play the song and I'd rather not have half the world hear it before you guys release it."

Sensible thoughts. I smile. "Yours or mine. Either way is fine."

"Okay, just meet me at my place. I'll text you in a few minutes with directions. Your phone number showed up on my ID, just no name. Do you mind if I save your number?"

I shake my head frantically and then realize he can't see that. "I don't mind!" Again, I sound so damn excited!

"Great. I'll be home in about an hour. So however long it takes you to get there is fine."

"I... I'll see you there!"

He chuckles. "See you soon." And then he's hung up.

I slowly pull the phone away from my ear and stare at it half suspiciously. What if Shou told him something? My heart beat speeds up. But if Shou _did_ tell him something... then. I stop being able to think coherently and my thoughts all jumble up together.

The phone clunks heavily on the desk as I bolt for the other room and begin tearing through my closet. I'm not quite sure what I'm thinking, but I pick out the items of clothing that basically form his outfit from my poster - black jeans, a long sleeveless black vest, a simple white button-down shirt that hits me around my navel, and this cute little black half-jacket I picked up last week.

I strip off everything I'm wearing and rush around my room, grabbing my shower supplies and then head into the bathroom. Once I'm under the spray of the water, I scour myself clean, using a cherry blossom body scrub. Hiroto always says I smell good when I use it, so it must be okay on me. I'm careful to clean myself _everywhere_ , ensuring that no matter what happens, I'll be spotless for him. I use the matching shampoo and conditioner, rinsing it out thoroughly before turning off the water and grabbing my towel. I dry off quickly and apply deodorant and a very light cologne.

I rush back into the other room and glance at the clock. It's been nineteen minutes so far. Not bad, but if he's on the other side of the city, I'll never make it to his place anywhere around the time he'll get there. I shove the thought away and begin to get dressed, pulling out this cute little black thong Shou insisted on giving me for my birthday last year and sliding it on. It feels so odd to have something shoved up my butt crack. Not the most horrible feeling, but definitely not the most pleasant.

I glance in the mirror and turn a little. Damn! That's why Shou gave it to me. Talk about accentuation! I almost get absorbed in staring at myself in the mirror, but quickly regain my thought process and hurriedly yank my jeans on over the tiny underwear. As I put on the rest of my clothing, I keep thinking that I've lost my mind. I'm dressing in an outfit like his in order to meet him. I'd be flattered if someone did that, but how is he going to feel about it? I can't really worry about that now, though. I'm too far into the process to change and not be overly late.

I plop down on the bed and pull on black socks with cute little off-black bunnies embroidered all over them. It's subtle but adorable. I grin at the bunnies and then push myself off the bed and almost bounce down the hallway back to the bathroom.

I make fast work of my makeup, only applying some lip gloss and smoky eyeliner; nothing too flashy or obvious. I use my foot to push the door partially closed and reach up to grab the necklace that he designed off the hook. A smile meets my lips as I clasp the chain at the back of my neck and let the pendant fall onto my chest. It hits me exactly where it's most comfortable, like it was designed just for me.

I'm quick to leave the restroom and grab my stuff from the office, putting his CD into my messenger bag along with my wallet. I hang my keys from my belt loop since I'll need them in a minute. I hurry down the hallway and yank open my coat closet. I stare down at the various pairs of shoes, carefully deliberating my choice. Finally, I choose a pair of white loafers and pull them out. I kneel down and put them on, tying them neatly, but loose enough that I don't have to untie them to slip them off.

As I straighten back up, another thought hits me. I should bring along certain _other_ items just in case. Because if Shou did tell Kai something.... I let the thought hang right there, not daring to tread any further with it. I grasp the strap to my bag tightly as I stare down at my shoes and then across the short distance to my bathroom. Ah, to hell with it, taking off my shoes again will only waste time.

I take as few steps as possible to get to the bathroom and I yank open the medicine cabinet and shove things around until I find a small tube of lubricant. I check the date and it's still good, so I drop it in my bag and then continue my search. Just when I think the effort is in vain, I find a small box of three condoms. I pull the box out of the shelf and turn it over to find the expiration date. I stare at it in mild horror finding that it expired last year.

Talk about embarrassing... to have to throw out condoms because they're expired. I'm so not getting enough. I'm a rock star for goodness sakes! I should be going through condoms like they're candy... chocolate... mmm.... No! No time for that, though maybe Kai would like some. Well, there's an excuse to stop by the store on the way. Condoms and chocolate. At least I'll look like I'm purchasing for a date with a girl. That's something I suppose.

I give the condoms one last look before tossing them in the wastebasket and leaving the room. I turn off the lights on my way out and carefully lock the front door behind me. I can hear my cat meowing at me from inside. I fed her this morning, she'll be fine.

I turn and rush down the hallway to the elevator, pulling out my cell phone and checking the time as I push the call button. I notice there's one text message and remember that I still have no idea where I'm going. I stare at the address, completely amused. It's less than a block from the studio! I've been so close to Kai all this time.... Just that fact makes me giddy with excitement.

The elevator arrives and I get on and select ground floor from the listing. The doors shut and I push my cell back into my bag as I bounce slightly in my spot. I need to work out some of this nervous energy. Maybe I'll just walk to his place. It's not that far and it's probably quicker on foot anyway.

The noise of the elevator arriving startles me and I giggle nervously as the doors open. I leave the building quickly, noting that I don't have much time before the hour is up. I take up a relatively fast pace as I head toward our studio, knowing the route by heart. Once I'm close, I double check the address and turn the opposite way I'd normally go on the last street. There's a little convenience store on the corner and I get lucky and they're still open.

I walk in and head directly for the candy aisle. Easy part first. I select my favorite type of chocolate from the shelf, getting two boxes. One for me, one for him. I'll just keep one in my bag. I smile to myself as I leave the aisle and head toward the personal hygiene aisle.

Something catches my eye and I turn my head in time to see someone who looks suspiciously familiar head down the aisle next to the one I'm going toward. I rush the next few steps and peer down the aisle. My jaw drops. It's him! It's Kai. Right here, in the very same store as me.

It dawns on me that now I can't possibly buy what I was going to. How mortifying would that be? I'm actually almost panicked. Should I leave and not get anything?

He doesn't even look in my direction, just pulls two bottles from the shelf and heads off down the aisle in the opposite direction, toward the cash register. I glance at the contents of the aisle and almost choke. It's all alcohol. He's buying alcohol? For us? Wait just one damn minute... if he's buying that, then I can certainly purchase my condoms!

I straighten my shoulders and hold my head up as I walk over to the next aisle and go to stand in front of the contraceptives and lubricants. I study them all and end up selecting some fairly plain ones - nothing with fancy colors or flavors. Just a box of three. It's the smallest quantity they come in and why the hell would I ever need any more than this? After all, these will probably just end up expiring in my medicine cabinet just like the others. Heh, I'm just one huge bundle of optimistic joy, now aren't I? Cheer up! I'm going to see Kai!

I head to the cash register, stopping at the end of the aisle to make sure that Kai's gone. He is, so I hurry up to the register, beating a punky looking teenager to it. I place my purchases on the counter and the young boy comes to stand behind me. The cashier just rings me up, not paying me any attention at all, asking for the total, which I hand him in cash.

I take the bag when he hands it to me and start to leave, but the teenager reaches out and grabs my arm. He looks nervous, overly so and I wonder if I'm about to regret arriving at the register before him. But he gives me this pitiful look and I tilt my head, wondering what he wants. His mouth opens and closes a few times and then he shakes his head, his cheeks flushing, and he thrusts money at the cashier for the soda he's purchasing.

I walk out of the store and pause, waiting on him to exit. I just feel like maybe he truly needs something and I should wait. He comes out and looks startled that I'm there. He just stands there, staring at me for a moment and then starts to turn away. This time it's me grabbing his sleeve and he pauses. "You wanted to ask something, so ask." My voice is as gentle as I can make it, and I hope I sound as non-threatening as possible.

He peers up at me, looking a little freaked out and then stares at the concrete at our feet. "I... I was wondering if I could pay you for one of those condoms." His face is beet red.

I feel bad for him. He's just a kid. And what if I don't give him one? Will he go home and get his girlfriend pregnant? How would I feel then? Horrible.

He must take my silence as hesitation because now he's trembling. "Look... I know it seems odd to ask, since I could just go buy it myself. But the cashier is my brother-in-law and he knows about my lifestyle, and he hates me for it. This is the only store close enough to home that I'm allowed to go to without my parents and I can't exactly buy certain things with them there, since they don't approve of me, either. But I don't want to be unsafe and I... I guess I just thought maybe you'd understand."

I stare at him in slight shock, but I quickly blink it away and reach into my bag, pulling out the condoms and ripping the box open. I pull one out and hold it out to him. "This one's on me. I'm glad you're trying to be safe about what you're doing."

He blushes and takes it from me. "A-are you sure?"

I nod and smile at him. "Of course."

"Thank you." He darts off, heading down a side street.

I watch him go, wondering if he knows who I am and if he does, if this will end up online somewhere... that I'm handing out condoms to teenagers. Oh well, if it does, at least it'll show my standpoint on it. I shrug as I stuff the condoms into the bottom of my bag and start walking toward Kai's building.

I'm going to see Kai! My body thrums with excitement. Kai! Kai! KAI!

I speed up a little and end up almost running by the time I arrive at his apartment complex. I pull my phone back out and look up the number of the apartment again so that I can buzz him on the intercom system. 912, easy enough. I select that button from the roster and I'm amused to see his name listed as Uke Yukata. I wonder if that's really his name or if he just likes using it to fake people out.

His voice crackles over the speaker and startles me. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Nao!" I blush and duck my head immediately after I blurt that out.

I can hear him laugh softly and then the door buzzer sounds. I quickly grab the door handle and slip inside, pulling the door shut behind me. I'm always so careful about that because someone once let an overly aggressive fan into Tora's apartment complex that way once. It took the police coming down for the fan to leave and then they went and published his address online. He actually had to move to get away from everyone who came to see him at all hours. It'd suck for someone else to have to go through that, too.

By the time I stop dwelling on that, I'm stepping off the elevator on the ninth floor. I glance at the little plaque on the wall that tells me which apartments are in which direction and head right since 901 through 922 are listed with an arrow pointing that way. I end up around the corner and down a pretty long stretch of hallway. Judging from the distance between doors, these apartments are actually pretty big. I wonder just how much more he makes that he can afford this place.

I find 912 and just stand there in front of the door for a moment, feeling stupid and slightly panicked. Why am I even here again? Oh yeah... he invited me. Part of me wants to run away, but the other part says I'd be retarded to do such a thing! I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Be brave, Nao. You can do this!

I open my eyes and raise my hand, softly knocking on the door. Almost immediately, a dog starts up barking and I swallow hard as I take a step back. Great... what if he judges if someone's nice or not by his dog's reaction? I'm totally screwed and I haven't even seen him yet. Gah! Why am I freaking out like this? Calmness... yes, calm.

I force myself to breathe normally as I hear the barking become more muted and a door slam shut. A moment later the door slides open and Kai is standing there.

"Hey! Come in." He smiles and it's so beautiful.

My eyes rake over the rest of him as inconspicuously as possible as I slip in past him and stand there awkwardly. I manage to remember my manners and I bow to him, murmuring my thanks that he's invited me to his place.

He bows back and then places a hand on my back, gently patting me. "You look freaked out. Don't be. I wouldn't have invited you over if I didn't want you here." He glances at my shoes and then moves off toward the living room. "I picked up some wine. I wasn't sure if you liked white or red, so I got both."

I quickly remove my shoes, pushing them into the corner with my foot and then follow him. His living room is huge. There's a plush crème couch in the middle of it and an expensive-looking rug in front of it. Every surface is made of black marble and gleams in the light of a dozen or so candles scattered about on every flat surface. The contents of every shelf are neat and organized and only four framed pictures hang on the walls. Each frame contains a different one of his band mates and I realize just how much they all must mean to him.

I must have a priceless look on my face because he's laughing lightly again and then his hand is on my arm, gently leading me to the couch.

I feel like questions are going to bubble out of my lips at any second, but I keep them all in, biting my lip anxiously as I sit on the couch next to him. It's incredibly soft and I sink into it, feeling like it's enveloping me in a soft, warm cloud. Kai leans forward and picks up both bottles from the table as I place my bag on the floor at my feet and hold the plastic one in my hands nervously.

He turns to me and holds the bottles out. "Which one do you prefer?"

"Whichever one you would like." I'm whispering... why am I whispering? He's smirking at me and then he chooses the red wine and sticks the corkscrew into it and begins to twist it open. Just the way he holds the bottle seems erotic. I guess it helps that he's got it clenched between his thighs, one hand gripping the neck of it. I've got to get my mind off of him like that! It's so wrong! He'd probably be horrified if he knew I thought about him in any kind of remotely sexual way.

I'm gripping the chocolate boxes so hard I'm actually surprised they haven't broken yet. The chocolate! How rude of me! I quickly rustle around in the bag and pull one of the silver packages out and hold it out to him as he turns and holds out one of the crystal stemmed glasses to me. We trade items and I watch him carefully, praying he will like the candy as much as I would.

He smiles and then unwraps it, tossing the wrapper onto the table top and pulling the lid off. The smell of chocolate fills the air and I swear I'm going to end up drooling if I'm not careful. I lean over and place the plastic bag with my container of chocolates in it on the floor next to my tote and then sit back, letting myself sink into the fluffy cushions. I hold the glass over myself, hoping that if I spill, it will be all over me and not the couch.

Kai pulls two chocolates from the box at random and pops one into his mouth and holds the other out to me. My eyes widen and I want it so badly... but it's his. His chocolate, not mine. I shake my head slightly. "No, thank you."

He waves it under my nose and then presses it against my lips. "Nonsense. I can tell you want it."

I slowly open my mouth. After all, the piece is already contaminated with my germs now. He slides it into my mouth and I find myself in heaven as the sweet melts in my mouth, coating my tongue in its flavor. It's a lemon cream and that's my second favorite out of the box. I close my eyes and enjoy it, just sucking on it. My eyes fly open as his finger swipes across my bottom lip.

He gives me a look that I can't even begin to describe and then brings his finger to his mouth and licks it slowly, deliberately. When he drops his hand back into his lap he just smiles. "You had a smudge and there's no point in wasting good chocolate."

Wow, what an excuse! I know deep inside it's probably not an excuse, but I don't care. I want it to be more than it is, so in my head it was an excuse for touching me. I bring my glass to my lips and sip at the wine. It has a pleasant taste, a good follower for the candy, but I can still feel the burn of the alcohol. I don't usually drink, so I know this is going to go to my head really fast.

"So, how about we listen to the recording?" He actually kind of sounds excited. I hope he really is.

I lean over and place my drink carefully on the marble countertop and then dig around in my bag for a minute. I pull out the CD sleeve and hold it out to him.

He smiles at me as he takes it and then gracefully stands up, walking over to the CD player and then turning it on.

I stare at his butt. It's such a lovely one - not too small, not too large... perfect. Just like the rest of him. He turns around and I find myself staring at his crotch. Shit! I look away as fast as I can, my cheeks heating up significantly.

He sits down beside of me again, closer than he was a minute ago. Our legs aren't quite touching but all it would take is for one of us to shift all of an inch. I swallow hard and lean forward, retrieving my glass and downing about half of it as I chastise myself for my thoughts.

He reaches down into the couch cushion between us and pulls out a silver remote. I end up staring at where he's pulled it from, amazed that I didn't even feel it there. He turns on the sound and starts the recording. I almost jump as I hear my own drums boom out from every direction. Surround sound, niiiiiice. I glance around trying to figure out where they are, but I don't see them.

"They're hidden speakers. I found it more aesthetically pleasing that way." How does he know what I'm thinking so well? Maybe I'm just obvious since I'm glancing around like a moron.

I just nod and bring the glass to my lips again, my blood pounding in my ears. I know he's listening to the music, he's got the same look on his face that I have on mine when I'm thinking really hard about a composition. There's silence between us until it's over. He plays it one more time and I end up draining the glass dry trying to soothe my nerves.

This time when it ends, he reaches out and takes my glass, setting it on the table and refilling it from the bottle before handing it back to me. I take it and thank him, noting that I'm already feeling all tingly. Good thing I walked here. "What'd you think?" I can't help it, the question just kind of falls out of me.

He leans back and sips from his own glass, his head tilted slightly to the side. "Hmm, I think I like it, actually. Good rhythm, in line with your usual style, and really I think you're right about that little piece. It does fit in there just right. You even smoothed the transition back into your part very well. I only know what part it is because I was looking for it." He smiles cheekily at me and then tips his glass back, swallowing the remaining liquid.

I stare at him, completely astounded. He liked it?! Kai liked my composition! I actually bounce a little in my seat. But then I realize I shouldn't be doing that and I stop, blushing like mad.

His hand slides onto my thigh and I gasp, staring down at his hand as it almost burns the flesh beneath it. "My approval means a lot to you, doesn't it?"

My hands are shaking and I clutch the glass closer to me, not wanting to spill as I nod slightly.

He shifts and places his own glass on the table before taking mine and setting it down as well. His hand is still on me and I can't really focus on anything else. "Nao...?"

I lift my eyes to his face and swallow back the lump in my throat. "Yes?"

His eyes are so genuine... comforting. "The music isn't the only reason you're here, is it?"

I blush and look away. "I... um..." I run one hand through my hair, messing it up. "I guess not."

He squeezes my thigh every so slightly and I end up staring down at it again. His fingers are so slim and perfect. I can just imagine them inside of me, touching in just the right spot. An almost violent shiver runs through my body and I know if I keep thinking like this I'll end up aroused. I have to stop this....

"You're kind of dressed like me... is it on purpose?" His breath ghosts over my ear.

I bite back the immediate moan that tries to escape my lips. Why is he so close?! I nod slightly, still staring down at his fingers on my thigh. He's running his thumb in slow circles over the fabric of my jeans and if he doesn't stop, it's going to do a hell of a lot more than stimulate the blood flow in my leg.

"Mmm... tell me why else you're here then."

"You're my idol. Everything you do influences me and makes me a better musician. I learn from you. I think you're the best drummer out there and I could only hope to be half of what you are or look half as good as you do."

The pressure on my leg becomes greater as he moves so that he's completely facing me, one leg curled under him and the other supporting him on the floor. He leans in a little more and I feel like he's about to end up in my lap. "So I have a fan in my living room?"

"Your biggest fan." My voice is steady, surprising considering how nervous I truly am. Why is he so close? Not that I mind, but he can't have a clue what he's doing to me by being just inches away from me.

"Forgive me if I'm too forward..." He slides his free hand to my cheek and gently turns my face to him. He studies me for a long moment and then leans in and brushes his lips over mine. It's fleeting, but a second of contact and then he's gone.

I whimper at the loss, at the fact that I didn't even have time to respond. Maybe it's that I want him so badly or maybe it's that I've drank almost two entire glasses of wine. But whatever it is, I end up with my hands fisted in his white button-up shirt, a pleading look on my face, and a single word slipping past my lips, "Please."

His eyes burn into mine and my breath catches in my throat. "Please, what exactly?"

 _Me._ I don't say it, I couldn't ever say that. But it's what I want. I want his lips on mine again, his body pressed against me... and so much more than that. Instead, I let go of his shirt as my cheeks burn with shame. If I do this, he'll think I'm a slut; that I spread my legs for anyone. But he's not just anyone. He's _Kai_. The only man I'd ever actually let take me. Even if Shou or Saga had tried, I would have stopped it all right there. He's the only one I want inside of me.

I shake my head slightly. "I... I'm sorry. I think the alcohol is affecting me."

He seems to evaluate me and then he moves back to his place on the couch beside me. "Don't be sorry. I started it. I'm the one who's sorry. Please forgive me."

I look over at him and he looks perplexed. His hands are fisted tightly in his lap and I stare at them for a moment before lifting my gaze back to his face. It's tight with worry. "Kai... can I be honest?" He nods ever so slightly and I go on, not wanting to lose my nerve. "I don't want you to be sorry. I don't want you to think I'd let just anyone kiss me or... anything more. I..." I feel a little dizzy. "In all honesty, I would be with you in a heartbeat. But I'm sure that's not really what you're looking for and I guess I don't want to come across as some stupid fan and nothing more."

His eyes meet mine and he shakes his head. "Nao... you'd never be _just_ a fan. I know you probably won't believe me, but I've watched your career just as much as you've watched mine, maybe more. I make it a point to do so with any other band that can end up anywhere near us on the charts. But you're one of the few I've continued to follow. You're a great drummer and your personality is the brightest thing I've seen in years. You always make me smile, even if you're not even trying to get the crowds to. It was an honor to find that you wanted to use a piece of my music and that you also wanted to share it with me before it was complete. I just wish I could keep my mind from going where it always seems to when I think of you. You're... well, you're adorable. I know that sounds weird, but you are! And at the same time, you're elegant and beautiful... exactly my type." He shrugs ever so slightly. "I suppose I just wanted a chance with you, that's all."

I stare at him like he's lost his mind. _He_ wants to be with _me_? I blink at my own thought process. Who the hell am I to deny Kai what he wants? I don't even let myself think about what I'm doing before I act. One moment I'm on the couch beside of him and the next I'm straddling his thighs, my hands on his shoulders, and my lips pressed hungrily against his. I kiss him like it's my last kiss, as though he is the reason I exist. And he is....

His arms pull me closer and he kisses me back just as feverishly, returning every ounce of my passion with his own. His tongue slides over my lips and I immediately part them for him, letting out a soft mewl as his slick muscle slides over my own. His left hand moves to tangle in the darker parts of my hair and he pulls my head back as he breaks our kiss to trail his tongue down my neck, leaving a path of glistening saliva in its wake.

I can feel myself already reacting to being so close to him. Why do I have to be so easy? Ah! Who cares, if I'm easy for him, he'll know just how much I'm enjoying this. I push my hips forward, pressing the beginnings of my erection against his abdomen.

He groans softly, the sound reverberating off my skin at the juncture of my shoulder and neck. I almost purr in response, the feeling of it so intense. I never knew my neck was this sensitive....

His right hand moves down to my ass, gently squeezing and urging me closer to him. I immediately shift my weight again, grinding against him. I can feel him smirk against my skin as he expertly shifts our position so that I'm lying on the couch, him between my legs, leaning over me. His lips press against mine again and he makes fast work of unbuttoning both of my shirts. He pushes them over my shoulders and pulls them down my arms just far enough to hold me somewhat trapped.

His mouth leaves mine and he studies me, as if gauging my reaction to being loosely bound and at his mercy. I peer up at him from beneath hooded lashes and give him my best interpretation of a 'fuck me' look. It must be a pretty damn good one, because in a few seconds he's unzipping my jeans and pulling them down my legs.

As he tosses them aside, he catches my left foot and holds it steady. "Hmm... bunnies. Cute." And then my sock is gone, discarded just like my jeans. My other soon follows and I'm left bound in my shirts with only a pathetic little thong holding my sex against my body. I take a moment to look down and observe just how one looks fully aroused in skimpy underwear. Apparently, quite magnificent; considering I look to be quite a bit more well-endowed than I really am. I flex my muscles and my cock twitches, drawing his attention.

He reaches out and slides one hand along the fabric confining me. I whimper softly, arching into his touch with my entire body. His fingers close around me and he jerks me roughly a few times before slipping his fingers under the edge of the material and yanking it down my thighs. I gasp at the sensation as the string in back pulls free of my crack. It's not quite painful and not quite pleasant. It leaves a slight tingling behind that I can only hope he'll find reason to take care of.

My underwear join my other clothing on the floor and then he slowly unbuttons his shirt, revealing his chest inch-by-agonizing-inch. I watch him, completely forgetting that I'm fully erect and bared to his eyes. He is the center of my universe and nothing else exists outside of us. I want to touch him, but when I go to move my arms, I find that I'm still bound by all three shirts and that three prove quite difficult to get out of at once. I whine in frustration as my eyes meet his again.

He smiles as his shirt drops from his hand and he leans down, planting a gentle kiss on my lips. "Relax... I'll let you touch all you want next time."

Presumptuous! But then again, maybe not. He knows how much of a fan I am and that alone proves that I'll be at his beck and call if that's what he wants. A small part of me argues that I want a relationship, not a fuck buddy, but I resolutely ignore it and refocus on my needy sex, throbbing between my legs. I want him no matter the circumstance.

The sound of his zipper redirects my attention to his crotch and he quickly reveals himself to me. No undergarments of any kind. His erection pops free as he undoes the last button and I moan none-too-softly. I want _that_ in my mouth. Shou looks like an amateur porn star in comparison... not that I think Shou's bad or anything, but hell, Kai's hung! I can already almost feel him between my lips, and then behind me, taking me until I scream his name.

I lick my lips and stare up at him as seductively as possible. "Kai..." _Let me suck you._ Where the heck has my courage gone wandering off to now?! Get the fuck back here! I need you, you shit-ass courage! I almost growl in frustration.

Kai looks amused. He's smirking down at me one moment and then the next his lips are against my ear and his hand's around my dick, slowly pumping. "Tell me what you want and you'll get it."

I arch into his hand, gasping for breath. So breathless, so fast. He turns me on like I never even believed possible. I guess this is what it's like to be with someone you really have the hots for. To have waited on this moment like nothing else, to have dwelled upon it every waking hour since you realized you wanted it.

His wrist twists in just the right way and pleasure courses through my veins like it has replaced my blood. I can't think right, I can't even focus on him above me. I'm drifting in a sea where only his hand and my sex exist. I yank my hands free of my shirts and reach out blindly, grasping his biceps in some attempt to anchor myself as my entire body trembles in his hands. I react like I've never had anyone touch me before. In a way it's sad, but on the other hand, it's glorious to feel like this again.

I open my mouth to let out a cry of pleasure and it ends up coming out as a plea instead. "Fuck, Kai! I... ah! Nhnn, I want you so bad!" I clamp my mouth shut and stare at the ceiling that has come back into focus above me with wide eyes. There it is again, that damn reaction to being aroused. Why do I have to say such things just because my cock is hard?

"Want me how?" His voice has dropped at least two octaves and he sounds so damn sexy.

Suddenly I want his mouth wrapped around me, taking me higher and higher. Yes, that sounds like the best damn idea ever! I shiver as I grip his arms a little tighter and bury my lips against his neck. "S-suck me and... I..." I trail off, having only enough nerve for the first half of my sentence.

"And?" He's so patient... prompting me toward getting it all out.

"I'll return the favor." I whisper before giving in to temptation and licking lightly at his neck. He tastes faintly salty, but a little sweet as well; must be his body wash.

He pulls back and tilts his head as he looks down at me. It's not a bad look, just like he's curious. Maybe he's curious how something so raunchy has left my mouth. I know I am. He slips off the couch and pushes his pants down, letting them pool in the floor at his feet. He's completely naked and god does he look good. Built in every sense of the word. Perfection wrapped in silken sin.

I lick my lips and a smile quirks his mouth as he comes to stand beside of my head. He pauses only for a moment and then straddles my head and quickly leans over, taking my cock in his hand and quickly jerking it. I gasp and buck my hips a little in surprise. And then his mouth envelops me and I'm lost in heaven.

It takes a minute before I can even begin to process that I'm supposed to be returning the favor. The instant I realize it, I reach out and run my fingers over his rigid length. His cock twitches and I fist my hand around it, squeezing and then slowly moving my hand over the shaft. Up, down... then up again, pulling the skin taunt over the head of his cock. I take note that he too is circumcised and it makes me giddy. I like seeing the head so pert and completely revealed to me. I lean up and slide my tongue up his length - base to tip. He moans around me and it shoots pleasure down my cock and throughout my body.

I wrap my fingers around the base of his dick and pull it down so that I can slip it into my mouth. I can taste the salt of his pre-cum on my tongue and it thrills me. I've got a part of Kai in me now. I moan as I realize the double meaning of that and quickly take as much of him as I can without choking. For a minute, I don't even move my head, I just suck him greedily. Before long, I'm bobbing my head over his length, moaning in delight as his cock slips in and out of my mouth, the smooth skin playing over my lips with every movement. My movements are fast and needy, only proving that I want to give him my all. I swipe my tongue over the tip of his sex, collecting his leavings and then sucking him hard, hoping for a little more.

He's working me just as much, but that's not even what I'm focused on. He could have stopped and I'd still be floating on cloud nine. I reach up with my other hand and fondle his balls, caressing them lightly and then pulling the loose skin down, rolling it in my palm.

His hips buck and I know he's finally losing control. Yes, Kai, baby... cum for me. His mouth slips off my cock and his body is trembling. He tries to pull back, but I let out a soft sound of objection and I guess that's all he needed. He pushes himself further into my mouth and then he's cumming, the warmth of his release spurting into my waiting mouth. I suck him hard, swallowing what he's given me and trying to get more.

My own cock throbs with need. I feel like if I don't cum, I'll explode in another way. I let him slip from my mouth and lick at his softening length, getting every last bit of his cum. I let out the most pitiful whimper as I arch my hips up a little. And then his mouth is on me again. He sucks me hard as his head moves up and down my length. I gasp out his name and can't help that my hips seem to have a mind of their own.

He stills and just lets me fuck his mouth. And fuck his mouth, I do. I just let myself go, my entire body writhing beneath his, my only goal to cum for him like he did for me. His name becomes a mantra, falling from my lips and then I'm toppling over the edge. I almost scream his name as I thrust up one last time and release myself in the warm cavern of his mouth. He moans a little and I can feel him swallow around me.

Slowly, my body sinks back down against the couch and I let out a soft sigh of contentment. He cleans me just as carefully as I cleaned him and then he pulls back, climbing off the couch. He stands over me for a moment. I stare up at him and then reach out one arm, a pleading look on my face. Don't leave me, Kai. He smiles and settles down between my legs and drapes himself over my chest. Our bodies fit so nicely together like this. I wrap my arms around him and he lightly nuzzles my neck.

"I hope you planned on staying all night... because this is far from over."

Excitement courses through me and I clutch him tighter. "I'd stay forever if you asked."

He seems to contemplate my response and then his voice is soft in my ear. "I can't promise forever, but I can promise more than just tonight."

My breath sticks in my throat and I feel like I'm going to cry. Did he really just ask me what I think he did? Maybe I've heard him wrong. Why would Kai want to be with me for more than just sex? My brain's quick to supply an answer, telling me that I'm worth more than I think. I finally seem to find my voice from wherever it went flying off to after my orgasm and I whisper back my reply. "More than tonight?"

He chuckles softly and then leans back enough to see my face. "I'd very much like to date you... if you're willing." He has that megawatt grin turned on and even if I wanted to resist, that makes it impossible. But I don't want to resist, so it just pulls the answer from me faster.

I nod frantically. "I'm willing!"

He smirks and then leans down to capture my lips for a moment. I can taste myself on his tongue and it sends little sparks shooting down to my groin. He kisses me until I can't breathe, until I feel lightheaded and I'm almost clawing at him trying to get more of him. My legs are wrapped tightly around him and I'm pressing myself needily against his semi-hard length over and over.

When he pulls back he's robbed of breath as well and his face is flushed. He reaches down and pushes my bangs away from my eyes and then licks his lips in what seems to be more of a nervous habit than anything else. "Nao..." My name sounds so sweet coming from his lips. I want him to repeat it a million times. "I... we'll have to wait on anything more." My face must reflect the pouting I set up inside because he gives me a pleading look. "I want to, it's just I don't have what we'd need."

It clicks that he must mean lube and condoms. But wait! I have both! I start to tell him and then blush and clamp my mouth shut. I know it was forward of me to bring them in the first place, but to actually admit to having them? He'll know I wanted to have sex with him then!

He must read minds or something, because the look on his face is priceless. It's something between arrogant and amused. "Where's it at?"

I gape at him, astounded that he'd be so forward about it. Do I deny it? Hell no, I can't do that when I could have him in me. My dick seems to agree, as it's now fully hard, pressed between us. I feebly gesture at my bag behind us. "In there..."

He kisses me and then eases out of my grip and leans off the couch to fish around in my bag. When he leans back up, he's holding the open box and half-used tube, a silly grin on his face. "Who got the pleasure of the other one?" He shakes the condom box to emphasize his point.

"Some kid asked for one tonight when I got them..." ah, hell! I just admitted I only purchased them tonight! Good going, Nao!

He smirks as he crawls back onto the couch and nudges my legs open so he can settle between them. "Well... I'm glad my lover is a Good Samaritan then." He carefully plucks a condom from the box and then drops the remaining one and the container to the floor beside us. He plops the condom he's holding onto my belly and then uncaps the lube, leisurely spreading it over his fingers.

He leans over me, holding himself up with one arm on the back of the couch, his muscles flexing gloriously as he moves. His tongue flicks over my earlobe. "Just how clean are you, sweetie?"

I shiver slightly. "I washed before I came over... completely."

He nips at my ear and then pulls back a little, sliding his way down my body. His non-lubed hand pushes at my knee, urging my right leg as far off to the side as it will go and then he hooks his right arm under my left kneecap and tugs me toward him a little. I set my foot on the edge of the sofa as he leans down and licks his way down my erect length and over my balls. He takes one into his mouth and sucks on it for a moment before letting go. I push myself toward him, wanting everything he's willing to give me. No one has ever explored my body like he is.

His tongue creates a lazy trail down the back of my testicles and over my perineum. My head falls back and I reach out and tightly grasp the wrist of his hand that's supporting him. So sensitive! A shudder runs through my body and my breath comes in harshly as he laps at the area until I moan in the most lewd fashion. His lips press against me and I gasp softly. If this is going where I think it's going, he's going to have me like jelly by the time he gets around to taking me.

His breath ghosts over the entire area, warm and oddly pleasant. He changes his position a little and when I look down, his ass is up in the air. And what a fine ass it is! I'm so absorbed in staring at it that it comes as a shock when his tongue runs lightly over my anus. I let out a soft mewl as he licks at it again. I can't believe he's doing this to me. I never thought I'd ever experience this particular pleasure. His slick muscle circles me, coating my entrance in saliva and then he points his tongue, dipping it just barely inside of me. Pleasure shoots straight up my spine and my cock jumps in anticipation. My cheeks are flushed pink and my breathing is erratic.

He takes his time, using his tongue to penetrate me again and again. I'm moaning desperately by the time he slips one lubricated finger into me. I don't even clench, I just gasp for air as I cling to the couch and his wrist. He thrusts his finger in and out, his movements gentle and pleasant. When he adds a second, I can feel it stretching me, but it still doesn't actually hurt. Or maybe it does and I'm too lost in the prior pleasures to care. He kisses his way up my thigh to my knee, where he gently licks at the underside of it. My body jerks in response and he takes the opportunity to slip in a third finger. This time, it does hurt. I can feel myself more than stretching and I know that faint trickle is blood. No way around it, I suppose.

His mouth is almost immediately on my cock, sucking hard as he moves his fingers inside my body. I don't know what he's doing down there, but it feels odd and a little painful. And then there's blinding pleasure. I cry out in surprise, my entire body tensing. He lets my cock slip from his mouth and his voice is silky smooth when he speaks. "There we go..."

I want whatever he did again. I writhe against his fingers, whimpering with every movement until he crooks his middle finger slightly and the same feeling shoots through me again. This time, I damn near cum because of it. My cock is throbbing and I'm just teetering on the edge of orgasm. I'm actually panting, my head thrashing from side-to-side as I try to get that feeling one more time.

He wrenches his hand free from my grip and he takes the condom from my abdomen, ripping it open with his teeth and then spitting the wrapper onto the floor. He puts the condom on so fast I wonder just how many times he's put one on in his life. But I don't really care, I just care about him getting the hell on with this! I move against his fingers again, my body thrumming with desire to feel what he's shown me again.

He slips his fingers from me and then he's over me, his erection pressing hot against my entrance. I press down against him, wanting him in me so badly I'll impale myself if he doesn't do it soon. He lets me press against him until the head of his cock slips into me and then he pushes forward, sliding the rest of his length into me, sheathing himself within my body. I feel stretched to my limits and I know it's tearing me at least a little, but I don't care.

Kai's inside of me! My heart races inside of my chest and I buck against him. Little noises of pleasure escape my lips as I frantically search for that spot he was touching. I want his cock to touch it.

His fingers slide over my sweaty chest and he scrapes his nails lightly over one nipple. I let out a small sound of protest and he bows his head as he begins to move. At first, he's agonizingly slow and I can barely keep myself still enough that I don't look like I'm having some kind of erotic seizure under him. He seems to sense my urgency and speeds up to a more reasonable pace.

I lift the leg I had resting on the edge of the couch up and wrap it around the back of his legs, drawing him closer with every forward thrust he makes. Harder, harder, harder, _harder_ damn it! I want his cock driving into me as though he can't control himself. I want to make this couch groan in protest of our activities. Fuck, I just want to cum!

I let go of the couch and slide my hand over my tummy to my cock, wrapping my hand around it and jerking roughly. He moans over me and then he's thrusting harder into me than before. I look up at him and realize he's staring down at what I'm doing. I blush and immediately stop.

"Don't stop!" His voice is as urgent as I feel.

Something clicks and I realize he's probably getting off on me touching myself just as much as he is by pounding his cock into my ass. I start touching myself again, allowing myself to just let go and do what I know I like best. I slide my thumb up over the head, pressing down harshly as I jerk hard on the rest of it.

He shifts his angle and then I'm screaming as I cum hard, his cock hitting that spot inside of me over and over at just the right angle. I milk myself dry, wanting the most out of this orgasm as I can get.

"Fuck, Nao!" His hips slam against me hard as his cock buries itself deep inside of me one last time, and then he's falling over the edge after me, his length throbbing within me as he cums. I clench around him, holding him in and he moans low in my ear.

I let my head fall back and I arch up into him once more, relaxing my muscles and then sinking into the comfort of the plush furniture beneath me. He follows me down and rests partly on me, supporting most of his weight with his arms on either side. We catch our breath and then he pulls back, slipping himself free of me and retrieving the soiled condom.

He sits up as he ties it and then glances at me. "You okay?"

I nod and then yawn. Only now do I think to check the time and when I glance over at the digital clock above his television, I realize it's well past midnight. Just how long have I been having sex with him?! My body tells me it's warn out and that I need sleep... and soon. I start to sit up and end up laying back down almost immediately as pain shoots up my back.

I manage not to say anything, but the look on my face surely gives me away. He's there almost instantly, helping me to stand up and then leading me to the bathroom where he starts the double-nozzled shower. He helps me in and then stands there behind me, his arms wrapped around me as I tremble. It hurts so bad I want to cry. But I shouldn't want to cry over something like this. I'm with Kai and he wants to stay with me. I should be happy, not about ready to cry!

He leans down and kisses my shoulder. "It hurts the first few times no matter how good you're prepped. I wish it didn't have to, because it's breaking my heart to see you trying not to cry." He lets go of me and takes a loofa from the hook on the wall, squirting some body wash onto it and then begins to scrub me. He's so gentle, his touch almost reverent and I know he really does feel bad that I'm in pain. He washes me just as thoroughly as I washed myself earlier and then quickly washes himself as well.

He turns off the faucets and grabs a big fluffy towel from his rack. He dries me with it and I feel more pampered than ever before. It feels so nice to have someone fawning over me like this. As he drapes the towel over my shoulders and gets one of his own, I realize I've never been so happy in my entire life. Even if everything ended right here, I'd treasure this memory forever. The entire night with the man of my dreams. I couldn't ask for more... and yet, I have more. I have him.

He turns toward me, the smile on his face speaking volumes. He reaches out for me, drawing me up against him and he leads me down the hallway and into his bedroom. As he pulls me into bed with him, allowing me to curl up against his side, I feel like I've finally found bliss. Something I've been looking for, for years. The unattainable... attained. Kai is mine! And more than that... I am his.

**The End**  



End file.
